The waiting game (updated)
There’s very few times in life when there’s not a lot you can do, the vast majority of times there’s probably too much to do and that either overwhelms us (analysis paralysis) or we just procrastinate.
That aside, there is one such time where there is not a lot I can do but wait and that’s waiting on the birth my 4th child.
Needless to say, my wife has done majority of the hard work, growing this baby and here I am waiting….
I actually never got to finish the original train of thought because I got distracted by one of the other kids needing my attention, so I’m now returning back here to try and finish this train of thought.
There are all of there’s kinds of sayings we use out there like 'the calm before the storm’ or ‘when it rains it pours’ and although we can throw them out as colloquilaisms they’ve definitely rung home in this particular instance for me.
I commented at Grapple Mania 7 last Friday and the next day I actually fell sick, spent majority of my time in bed for the next 2 days with a fever.
Needless to say my wife was pretty angry at me, here she was, about to pop and here I am a real shell of myself, very unhelpful, tired, and unmotivated in general.
There’s always this fine line that people like me who like to keep busy walk, where we try and fit as much into our day as possible, pushing our boundaries until the body gives up and says ‘hey… stop that’ and unfortunately I crossed that line.
Getting sick is never pleasant, however it definitely doesn’t help when in my own mind I’m beating myself up over all the things I was supposed to be doing and unable to achieve.
Sometimes that is exactly what is necessary though, to stop, and take a moment. If you don’t do it voluntarily you might have to do it involuntarily (like in my case)
The river doesn’t stop flowing, time doesn’t stop moving, however it feels like I’m going nowhere whilst everything else advances ahead of me.
Rather than thinking of my temporary hiatus as a positive time to recoup and regather, I’m feeling unfulfilled, ungrateful and unhealthy.
And then… the dam breaks, or in our case, starts trickling…
I’m still on the mend at this point, making my recovery but still finding myself tired and cold in the evenings as my wife is feeling uncomfortable.
Needless to say I don’t think I was very comfortable and I definitely wasn’t providing any comfort either (oops)
We make it through the night, a new day dawns and off we go again, get the kids ready… get them to school… then just a leisurely visit to the hospital for my wife to receive a check up.
It’s a bit weird how I can walk with my wife everywhere in the hospital, however I’m not allowed to wait with her in the waiting room to get assessed, in this particular instance I ended up sitting on the floor outside until someone finally tells me there’s another room to sit in down the hallway.
In reflection the moment of impending child birth definitely didn’t feel anything other than casual, as my wife calls me to say they’re putting us in a room and the nurses make some remarks about having a baby today.
In line with the waiting game, there’s no real urgency as yet, in fact I can even leave the hospital, get a meal and come back as my wife continues to play the waiting game.
Things progress (and escalate) and before we know it, my wife is in labour and some familiar emotional feelings return to me, witnessing a child being born into this world.
The dam has finally broken, the rain has come and in new life, new beginnings, baby Talia comes to join our family.
The waiting game is over, there’s no more time to wait, only actions to take as we step back into the (now) raging waters of the river of life that have gone feral with the busting of the dam.
In hindsight, I’m a little bit grateful for the involuntary stop, because now, not only am I itching to get back into the action, I’m hungry for it.
