Life Checkpoints…
I often talk about this experience I had when I achieved a really big life goal and how it left me feeling more lost and a little bit disappointed as opposed to excited and happy.
The fact that I had built it up in my own mind that when I got to this position, it was going to change my life, that somehow the day that it happened I would wake up the next day and have this feeling like my world was going to be so different, only to find achieving that goal didn’t really provide me with any of the fulfilment I was looking for.
Did I put too much expectation on it? And in doing so, because my expectations were so high, that it would have been impossible to just enjoy it for what it is? Potentially so…
Alternatively, I had this feeling like I had sold myself short - up until that point, I had all the steps in my mind about how I was going to get to this position as the General Manager / Dealer Principal of this car dealership and that when I got there I’d have ‘made it’. However, once I got there, I didn’t actually have any plan for what was next - I was left thinking to myself ‘now what?’
Part of the reason I was thinking about this particular topic today, was that it made me reflect on all the different checkpoints we pass in life and how although life will never quite be the same as before it, we can’t ever go back to those moment either.
It’s like growing up and going to school - I see this as I watch my own kids grow and it’s like I’ve got a new yardstick for how fast time passes based on how old my kids are as opposed to my own age.
Once that ride ends, you pass the checkpoint and you move into the next stage of your life, whether it’s work, further education, starting your own business, you name it, life will never be the same as it was in that previous chapter before the checkpoint.
I think we can all remember those times in school where it felt like the day would never end, watching the clock tick by so we could go home to do all the ‘fun’ things we wanted however once we passed that checkpoint and face the prospect of more responsibilities and the pressures of life we all can look fondly at how simple life was at that point in time (and sometimes wish we were back there).
Another concept I often talk about his how we live in 3 different timelines of past, present and future.
When we think about things we may have regretted or wished were different or continually reminisce about ‘happier times’ - we’re living in the past.
When we’re anxious or excited, running through all the variety of scenarios in our head and how they play out - we’re living in the future.
When we don’t have any thoughts and are just doing what we do in the moment, then we’re living the in the present. I think if we were to take stock our where we spend this time in our heads each day, we’ll find we spend a lot of time in more than one timeline when ultimately we should be focusing on the one that is right in front of us - the present.
On that note, I actually had a different train of thought when I originally went to put this musing together - I was thinking about my kids and how when my first child entered this world, my wife and I passed this checkpoint in life where things will never go back to how they were before it.
I often talk about how the feelings I had with each of my kids coming into the world was very different. My first - Cadence I remember having this really emotional moment, catching her as she came out, her eyes open and looking into my own.
I’ll admit, I had tears of joy, an overwhelming outpouring of emotion and this really primitive emotion that I was going to protect this little girl as much as I could.
On the other hand, when my son Harley was born, it was more like Rafiki holding Simba up in the air, this overwhelming sense of pride and wanting this child to be better than me in every aspect.
People nowadays might say that it would sound sexist that I would have such different feelings based on the gender of my children, but hey, too bad, it’s precisely how I felt.
That said, I do realise that as a parent, it’s important to utilise both of these feelings in moderation. To be a helicopter parent and over protective of my daughters’ would probably end up being detrimental to our relationship over time and to be too tough on your son, would obviously end up with the same outcome.
This then brings me to my 3rd child - Eden. I actually didn’t get to catch her as she came out, because everything happened so fast, however what I may have missed in that first moment of welcoming her into the world, I feel like I’ve made up for in having more time at home with her as she’s gone through the early years of her life.
Sometimes people might think that having more kids means that your ability to love them is more limited, which would make sense if you think about it purely from an amount of time, or amount of resource perspective. However one of the things I have really come to appreciate is that each child has actually increased my capacity for love, something I would have never really thought possible until I experienced it for myself.
From that perspective it’s interesting to think about this idea of life’s checkpoints. Often times we might say we’re not ready for this, or ready for that, however in all truthfulness are we ever truly ready for anything?
From the moment we go to school to our first job or big achievement in life, were we ever really ready for any of it?
Going back to me achieving that big life goal in getting the job I always wanted - I definitely wasn’t ready on a personal level for it, however I embraced that opportunity with open arms… We learn as we grow…
Even if we’re not growing, we’re probably just slowly dying (I guess in a sense we are technically anyway) however that’s even more of a reason to appreciate each stage of life as you approach the next checkpoint.
My eldest Daughter will never be 6 years old again, it’s a sad day for Dad, however turning 7, I look forward to growing with my children and enjoying every moment as we go through as many of life’s checkpoints together until I’m no longer able to be with them anymore.
